fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
