tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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