i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
