I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
