I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
