yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
