i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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