talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
