I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
