Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
