he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
