My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
