Ambien. No doubt about it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
