Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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