So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
