she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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