Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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