I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
don't judge my taste in strippers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
