i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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