I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
