so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
