Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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