Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
