I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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