Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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