so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
