i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
