So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
