A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
