Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish you could order shots online.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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