This is not my ceiling
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
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