I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
