John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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