Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
