well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
