Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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