i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
