her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
