hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Randomize
