So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
