Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
