walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
