I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are we still banned from the library?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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