he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
