I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
