i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
