He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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