Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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