I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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