Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
