i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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