Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
