i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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