he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
