Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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