I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
